


The Masquerade Ball

by Crewe



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst (sort of), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 03:14:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9216182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crewe/pseuds/Crewe
Summary: Post-Conclave, Vex and Scanlan discuss redemption.





	

Vex’ahlia steps out into the courtyard of what remains of Greyskull Keep and leans back against the doorjamb. Inside, Vox Machina and their closest friends and allies celebrate their victory over the Chroma Conclave with absurd amounts of alcohol, what little food they could scrounge up, and enough drunken shenanigans to make the entire population of Kraghammer blush.

 

Or, at least,  _ most _ of Vox Machina is celebrating. In between laughing at Vax tripping over himself trying to talk to Keyleth’s father while wasted and trying to stop Grog from wrestling with Trinket (she eventually gave up that fight, but only because Trinket seemed so excited, the dear), Vex had noticed that the shortest member of the party had slipped out (after, naturally, egging Grog on, the shit).

 

Vex can see him now, a small lavender smudge against the ramparts of the intact portion of the wall, staring out at the setting sun. She taps her fingers against the side of her thigh thoughtfully, glances over her shoulder at the fire-lit great hall, then sets off towards the wall.

 

On her way across the courtyard, picking her way through the rubble still strewn about where no one had had the time or inclination to clear it, Vex carefully considers how to approach this conversation. She knows Scanlan will let her set the tone for the encounter, and he’ll play by her rules as long as she keeps to them. It’s how they work: a delicate dance around each other, probing the other’s defenses but never hitting too hard, never cracking each other’s mask but making sure it’s strong enough to stand up to the others, keeping each other humble to keep each other alive. When you rely on a strong face, you need someone who you can rely on to test it, to make sure it can stand up to small attacks so it won’t crumble under real pressure.

 

When she reaches Scanlan, he’ll assume that’s what she’s there to do: make sure he’s keeping it up, keeping that smile on his face and song on his lips to face the world even now in their hour of victory.

 

That’s not what she wants.

 

Vex is tired of fighting. She’s tired of hiding within herself and keeping her chin up and soldiering on. It got her through the fire and out the other side, but she’s ready to let it go. She’s ready to set aside the mask and smile for real for a little while.

 

She hopes Scanlan is, too.

 

Vex reaches the top of the tower and strolls over to Scanlan, making a show of settling herself down cross-legged beside him.

 

He looks at her out of the corner of his eye, clearly sizing her up. This isn’t a move she’s made before; Vex has always been perfectly happy to use her height against him, and putting herself down on his level is a message she hasn’t tried to send before.

 

Scanlan is pretty good at reading people. She’s sure he’ll get it.

 

He doesn’t give any indication either way, going back to looking out at the horizon wordlessly. Vex is content to let him mull it over for a bit and mimics him. The sun is almost gone, the last streaks of red shooting through a purple sky. Smoke still billows up from the remnants of Emon, and the air is slightly acrid as the wind blows it towards them.

 

Finally, Vex speaks up.

 

“You know, just after you left, Grog tripped on a mug while he was wrestling Trinket. Landed flat  on his face. He was too drunk to stand up right away.”

 

The corner of Scanlan’s lips quirk up. “That makes it almost a fair fight.”

 

Vex scowls at him; as much as she values their banter, she’ll never accept his shots at Trinket. But she doesn’t want to get too caught up in the back-and-forth (she could spend all night defending her beloved companion, but that wouldn’t serve either of them, really, or even change his mind). So, instead of leaping to his defense, she studies her nails (broken, caked with soot and grime and blood) with an air of detachment she knows he’ll see through instantly.

 

“Well, it’s too bad you won’t get to see how it ends. But I suppose the sunset is lovely as well.” Vex shivers delicately. “Bit chilly, though, don’t you think?”

 

She looks at him out the corner of her eye and knows he knows she’s looking. She sees the careful way he holds himself aloof, the manufactured casual shrug.

 

“Us gnomes are tougher than we look.”

 

Vex looks at him. Really looks at him, straight on, until he meets her eyes, one eyebrow raised and a sort of caution behind the usual self-assurance. Vex sees him and sees the steel in his eyes when he trapped Ripley, when he met her gaze across the inside of a tree and meant  _ be angry now, don’t let him get to you _ , when he spat blood at a dragon and told Pike to take care of someone else, when he faced down monsters with his words and won.

 

Vex knows he’s tougher than he looks. She’s not sure if he does. She doesn’t know what, precisely, he hides behind the laughing mask, because that’s not what they’re about, but she knows that he needs to face it. She faced her inner demons. She looked them in the eye and saw their fear and guilt and shame and said  _ I forgive you _ , and she's stronger for it.

 

She doesn’t need the mask so much anymore; it’s just a tool, now, not something to cling to, not something necessary for survival. And it was hard and it hurt to get here. And she knows knocking some sincerity out of Scanlan Shorthalt is going to be hard, too, but _goddamn it_ they killed two ancient dragons today. They avenged her  _ mother _ today. And as the sun sets behind the horizon, it feels about time for a new beginning.

 

Vex cares too much about this awful little gnome, despite herself (and despite him), to let the dance continue now that she knows what it’s like to no longer need it.

 

“Scanlan,” she begins, and she can see already that he knows something is coming, that she’s about to break the rules. She sees the tic at the corner of his jaw, the slight tensing in his back and legs, how he suddenly goes very still like he’s bracing for a blow. She softens her voice, slightly, but doesn’t back down. “Darling, what are you afraid of?”

 

He snorts, and like the stubborn bastard he is shoots back with, “I’m just worried my portrait is never gonna end up in its rightful place, you know? With us moving back and forth between Greyskull and Whitestone like this, and the armies of lizardfolk and giant dragons and all, I’m afraid my glorious visage will never find its true home watching all of us eat.”

 

As well-founded as those fears may be, Vex is thoroughly unimpressed. She leans back on her hands and fixes him with a sharp look. With the sun gone, she relies more on her natural darkvision to see, and Scanlan’s usual gaudy ensemble is reduced to grays. He seems lesser for it.

 

“Scanlan, really. I just want to--”

 

He interrupts by rounding on her, flinging his arms out and gesturing broadly, staring at her as if in disbelief, _stop, just_   _stick to the script_ __ written plainly between the lines of every movement.

 

“Vex, c’mon! We just saved the world. We’re the baddest motherfuckers in all of Tal’Dorei. What do I have to be scared of?”

 

“Something so awful, apparently, that you came out here to stare off into the distance and brood rather than celebrate.”

 

"First off, I do not ' _brood_ '," he snaps, scowling and making sardonic air quotes at her. "I'm not your brother or your boyfriend, okay?"

 

Vex doesn't respond aside from lifting an eyebrow and giving a pointed look up and down. They stare at each other for a long moment, neither willing to back down, until Scanlan slowly closes his hands into fists and lets his arms drop limply to his sides. He turns abruptly and drops to the ground, mirroring her with his back against the rampart, folding his arms across his knees and staring up at the sky, where the first stars are visible.

 

Vex waits another long moment before shifting back to an upright sitting position.

 

“I just want to help you, darling. I was scared--for a long time, I was so scared that someone might see me for who I… who I really was, I suppose. I thought maybe if they did that, they wouldn’t think I was this strong person that they could rely on, or this good person that they could trust, and like, and after we fought Saundor, I thought… I thought maybe he had seen that, and…  _ exposed _ me.”

 

Vex takes a long breath in and slowly lets it out, tilting her head back to watch the wind blow the smoke across the stars.

 

“He didn’t, though. He made me think about myself, and the things I’ve done, and why I hide it all and act strong for everyone else, but I realized that wasn’t… who I really am. Not all I am, at least. And I was able to forgive myself, and I think, now, I can be strong without it being an act, now, you know?”

 

She looks over at him to see him actually looking at her and immediately drops her gaze, self-consciously huffing a laugh. “Anyways, I just think… if you think about what you’re afraid of, and face it, instead of always hiding, you’ll be better off for it.”

 

She falls silent again. It stretches on long enough that she’s starting to consider getting up and letting him think things over, try again another time, when Scanlan finally speaks up.

 

“It’s different, though.”

 

Vex’s head darts up to look at him, but he’s looking at the sky.

 

“What do you mean, darling?”

 

“It’s different. I'm different. I mean, you did some bad stuff, don’t get me wrong--” he rolls his head to look at her, one eyebrow raised and the corner of his mouth quirking up in a half-hearted smile, “you stole a magic broom from an innocent candlemaker who only wanted to help us and collect ingredients for his candles, after shooting one of his pets. That’s just terrible. Awful.” The smile fades and he gives her a far more serious look. “But the rest of it? Yeah, you’re greedy, and you’re bossy, and you’re too goddamn nosy for everyone’s good, but you never wanted to hurt anyone, Vex. You never hurt us.” He pauses, and when he looks away again, his eyes go a little unfocused. “Do you remember that little boy, in Westruun, that died while we were fighting Kevdak? You gave five hundred gold to resurrect him without hesitation. And me? I’m the one that killed him. 

 

"I’m not… a good person, Vex.”

 

Vex is very careful not to give any outward reaction, though she knows Scanlan is looking for one. Of course she remembers the boy; and of course they all were silently aware of the only one throwing fireballs around during the fight. But they hadn’t brought it up; they saved the boy, after all, and they all knew well from traveling with Tiberius just how dangerous and unpredictable fireballs can be.

 

Vex opens her mouth to point this out, but Scanlan interrupts before she can.

 

“I aimed the fireball there on purpose. So I wouldn’t hit Vax. I killed that boy to save my friend.” He suddenly stands up and strides to the opposite side of the wall, his movements betraying an odd restless energy that Vex hasn’t seen on Scanlan before. He looks down at the courtyard and the keep itself, where light is still pouring out of a crack in the door. “And then in the fire plane I left Pike for dead.” He turns to look at her, jabbing a finger down at the keep. “Almost everyone I have ever loved is in that building right now, and I would leave them in a  _ heartbeat _ ”--he snaps his fingers, the sound a sudden shock in the otherwise mostly still night--”if I had to, because there is nothing I won’t sacrifice for my family, but if everyone knew that, they wouldn’t be able to laugh at my jokes and listen to my songs the same way they do now and they  _ need  _ to.”

 

Scanlan turns back to look down at the courtyard, hands gripping the edge of the wall so tight his knuckles are white. Vex slowly starts to rise as something he just said starts to sink in.

 

“Scanlan,” she begins, a little warily, and sees how he flinches, “are you thinking of leaving Vox Machina?”

 

There’s a tense silence as she stares at his back and he stares away before he slowly deflates, his head dropping between his shoulders.

 

“I don’t know,” he admits, defeated. “I don’t know if… if that’s what she wants.”

 

Realization dawns on her as Vex steps up beside Scanlan, bending down to lean on the wall beside him.

 

“This is about Kaylie.”

 

Scanlan flexes his fingers around the wall. “Of course it’s about Kaylie. Everything I've done since I met her has been about Kaylie. Everything. It’s all been for her. And I don’t even know if she’s alive right now.”

 

Vex places a hand on his shoulder and takes it as a victory that he lets it stay. “Of course she’s alive. Kaylie is tougher than you and I put together.”

 

He snorts, but it seems to be mostly amused agreement than disbelief. Scanlan knows what Kaylie's made of more than she does. Vex continues, “Besides, you’ve just made the world a number of ancient chromatic dragons safer for her. That’s got to count for something.”

 

He shrugs, his mouth twitching in brief amusement at the idea.

 

“She made me promise to stay alive,” Scanlan admits after a long moment, looking back at the keep. “That’s why I ran away from Pike in the fire plane. I… I abandoned her for her entire life. I’m a shit excuse for a father. But somehow, for some reason, she still wants me around.” He turns around and leans back against the ramparts, looking back out at the horizon. Vex takes her hand back and follows his gaze, wondering if he’s imagining Kaylie now, and if he’s picturing her safe, or… fearing the worst. “If she wants me to be with her, then I’ll leave Vox Machina. I can’t… I can’t deny her that.”

 

Vex just nods. As much as she loves her new family, Percy and Keyleth and Grog and Pike and even Gilmore and Kima and Allura and all of them--Vax will always be the most important person in her world.

 

She wonders, if he asked her to leave Vox Machina, what she’d do.

 

She remembers that nervous tension after they defeated the Briarwoods and freed Whitestone, where no one could be sure if Percy would stay with them or his sister. She thinks of that day in the future, when Keyleth has finished her Aramente and proven herself a leader, and will have to choose whether to go home.

 

(She doesn’t like to think about that day, because she knows Vax thinks about it a lot.)

 

Vex looks down at the keep, a small smile on her lips.

 

“We all have obligations to keep, darling. And we all have family. If you choose to be with Kaylie, no one in that room will blame you.”

 

He gives her a wry smile.

 

“Well, we’ll have to see if she forgives me enough to want me around, first.”

 

Vex turns to look down at him, still smiling.

 

“If she told you to stay alive, she must be already beginning to. You may not be able to change the past, Scanlan, but you’ve changed now. You’re trying to do right by her. That’s all you _can_ do. I’m sure she’ll forgive you. And  _ then _ , darling, you need to forgive yourself. Besides,” she adds, in a much lighter tone. “You have this obnoxious ability to grow on people, like a particularly loud fungus. Kaylie will come around.”

 

Scanlan meets her gaze and gives her a small, sardonic yet genuine smile, then shivers theatrically.

 

“It’s freezing up here. Let’s go back inside.”

 

Vex turns back towards the stairs down to the courtyard and offers her arm. “Shall we go see what drunken escapades our charming compatriots have gotten up to, Mr. Shorthalt?”

 

Scanlan gamely stretches up to hook his fingers in her sleeve at her elbow. “We shall,  _ Lady  _ Vex’ahlia. I can’t wait to see just how badly Grog beat Trinket.”

 

Vex wrinkles her nose and begins walking with him trotting at her side, back towards the stairs, back to the warm hall where their friends are waiting. “It can’t be worse than how badly you lost to that fire giant at cards.”

 

Scanlan scoffs, and Vex smiles inwardly, thoroughly satisfied with herself. 

 

She can dance now in good conscience, knowing what’s behind the mask.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all I have wanted to write something about Vex and Scanlan's relationship for as long as I've been writing fic (so, like, a few months). They are not only my two favorite members of Vox Machina but also have one of (I think) the most interesting relationships among the main cast. I could talk for ages about how similar they are and how their respective character arcs are about forgiveness and redemption but in different ways but I'll leave that for another time.


End file.
